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Hi,
I am confused right now. I have always been interested in D/s relationship, me being the sub, but most people don't exactly respect that interest. The thing is though that I have never been involved in a D/s relationship and one, I don't know where to start, and two, I don't know how to make this lifestyle mix with my everyday life. I would greatly appreciate any guidance or help anyone can give.
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Getting started is always a scary thing.
Which way to go, who to trust, what if i make a mistake.
You will make mistakes. There will be people that sound good, talk the right words and seems to be a dream come true.
That old saying "if it is to good to be true, it is" is very true.
Some advice...
Pay attention... if it seems that more than 75% of what a dom or sub say is negative and how they are one of the very few players
consider they may be covering that they are one of the biggest players. If there only way a person can stand tall is on the backs of others...move on quickly. Also pay attention to who argues all the time. Are they using cyber to boost their egos at the expense of others. Falling into a negative way of behavior is very easy in cyber.
If your got says something is wrong....LISTEN. Use your smarts then your heart to discover Ds.
Remember when reading. you are reading one persons thoughts. Read and compare. Just like when you ask questions...as the same question to a dozen people. I love Ds questions and discussion. Compare all the answer and see what makes sense to you. What does not make sense..ask more question of a dozen people.
Cyber is not apart from reality...cyber is a slice of reality. People in cyber can be honest, caring, abusive, emotionally damaging, will use you like you have no value or can become the best friend in your life. People in cyber are no different that the people in your rt life.
the best person to learn about being a submissive from is another submissive. A Dom can not make or create a submissive. They can complete or enhance a submissive. A dom does not have a submissive heart, mindset and soul. Learn submissive and submission from those that do. One reason is cause they will not want you to prove you are a submissive by fucking them first.
If you would not go into a bar and yell "I am naked, make me submit" do not so it in cyber
If you would not go into a business and started an argue with the people there, do not do it here.
If you lie, betray, play mind games..it will come back to get you when you find out you really like some of the
chatters and now they can not trust you enough to talk with you.
With all that said..welcome to the pork. You have found one of the best places to learn Ds. We are crazy group of some of the best subs and Doms you will find on line. You can always ask me any question. The majority of the Ds people here will share their knowledge with you. Just ask and you will hear answers. We love a good discussion. For me when a person ask a question it causes me to think and rethink and that is always good. Brain mildew is a terrible illness.
Now for your post....
1. but most people don't exactly respect that interest....most know Ds form TV, movies, magazinea and the news. It scares them. Every serial killer has use some form of what we see as DS (like the word Master/bindings/cuffs etc) to torture and kill. That alone is enough to make it seem like an abusive way to life. Add to that the way we talk in this life. Slut, whore, cunt, Master, Mistress, slave, beat me, torture, blood, and so on.
To an outsider I can see how they would think we are crazy. The outsides can teach us a lot about Ds and how it is viewed.
2.I don't know where to start...You have already started by coming into the chamber and posting here. You have taken your first steps.
3. I don't know how to make this lifestyle mix with my everyday life.......First remember the word submissive is both a noun and a verb. I am always A submissive (noun), but I am not submissive to everyone (verb). You are a submissive with/without a Dom, just a a Dom is always a Dom with/without a submissive.
You can do little things to help yourself feel submissive.
Little acts of kindness
Making sure things are done properly
If you are in a relationship..you can do the little things with out the mate knowing.
Maybe some others can add to this.
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First off welcome to the Pork. There are a few D/s based chat rooms here. The Chamber, Leather, Inner Sanctum, Safe Haven, Pandora's Box, and The Lair. Feel free to stop in and chat in any of these rooms. you will find the people are normally welcoming and helpful in these rooms. The D/s community here is always willing to answer questions and have discussions so don't be shy.
Second read what pw posted. she's a very smart and experienced submissive who is often sought out by those of us around here for advice and discussions.
As for how others react to you being a submissive that's common. Those not in the lifestyle often have a difficult time understanding the lifestyle. Many see it as abuse when it's not and it's so much more than just the beating aspect of it.
Fetlife is a great, free website for those interested in the Lifestyle. It can help you meet people locally (think facebook for the lifestyle is the best way i can describe it) it will post local munches and play parties so you can see activities and meet those in the Lifestyle that live around you- if you want.
Nothing wrong with being confused, if i can be of any help feel free to ask me questions. you can use the "pager" system here to send me a private message that is only seen between you and i if you feel more comfortable doing it that way. i remember when i was new to the Lifestyle and i asked tons of questions, observed and talked with those around here in the Chamber mainly back then. i always felt stupid or like i was bugging them but i met some wonderful people who were more than willing to answer my questions and still do. i don't know everything, i don't have all the answers but i'm willing to answer what i can and direct you to either a website, or another chatter on something i can't answer.
As far as how to make D/s part of your life it already is. you are a submissive that's not something you can turn on and off on a whim. Sometimes that part of you will be more hidden and other times it will be more visible so to speak, but it's always there.
Good luck!
"i'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. i make mistakes, i am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."- Marilyn Monroe
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One place to start is to think about why you think you are a submissive and how you came to realize it?
Being a submissive is not really about helping people or making sure people are okay
It goes deeper than that
Adds...You can have submissive type behavior and not be a submissive.
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*very dirty and naughty grin*
There is nothing to it,
but just to do it.
soooo...
DOOOO EEEET NAOW! 
~~~~~~
A day without blood is like a day without sunshine...
~~~~~~
All your ta-ta's and buns are belong to us.
~~~~~~
Thunderclouds do not fear lightning. Hurricanes do not fear wind. To prosper in a turbulent, chaotic marketplace, become the storm.
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actually most importantly is to make sure you get a wide range of responses before you take what one persons says as gold and the standard to live by.
For example:
If 75% of what a person says is negative, it may mean that they are not gullible or naive to the games people play and it might do you good to listen.
If someone argues a lot, it could be that that person refuses to play the aforementioned games.
Those are just two examples.
Best advice you can get is get LOTS of advice and then build your experience on trial and error to form your own opinions. The second best advice is toss all that advice to the side and go speak with a qualified certified professional counselor (not some names on a chat screen who think they know everything) that is familiar with alternative lifestyles.
adds...
"If you are in a relationship..you can do the little things with out the mate knowing." You shouldn't do things concerning your partner or mate secretly or with the express intent of hiding it from their knowledge, especially if it has the potential of changing the dynamic of the relationship. That is game playing and disrespectful. If you cannot speak openly and honestly without game playing and hiding then you need to address the relationship itself.
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Thank all of you for the advice!
Pw, how do you know if you are submissive or just have submissive characteristics? To me the idea of having to trust someone enough to relinquish control of your will is a, for lack of better word, beautiful thing. I don't know what that makes me.
Btw, is it normal to be a little scared when you first start?
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how do you know if you are submissive or just have submissive characteristics? ...It is hard to know in the beginning.
You will hear some submissives say they knew because they like to take care of people. Being a care giver/taker is not being submissive.
*thinks deeply*
being submissive (no a before submisive) is a verb..meaning actions. Many can act submissive and not be A submissive.
being submissive means:inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
A maid/ butler/waitress/waiter/ may be seen as being submissive, yet it is only n the job., some one who just does as told without arguing, some one that cowers...this is the verb submissive. Does this make sense?
The noun submissive is being A submissive. For me (and all my words are my views/opinions) being a submissive is not so much about serving or simply obeying, even though those two things are part of it. It is a deeply felt thing that suddenly refocuses you when you figure it out.
Oh my gosh this is hard to type. I have a deeper need than to just say "Yes Sir/Ma'am". I need (not want) to feel the connection of surrendering my control to someone that will cherish it and know how deeply it is felt.
It is about heart, soul and mindset, which is why Doms can not make you a submissive, they can only enhance your submission.
It is en of those things you feel come to life. Being a submissive means
well hell some one help me explain this.
Being a submissive is not an action, it is a whole being event.
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To me the idea of having to trust someone enough to relinquish control of your will is a, for lack of better word, beautiful thing. I don't know what that makes me...it makes you you. always be you. we all change for those we love/serve, those we love/serve will only enhance us to change for the better
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Btw, is it normal to be a little scared when you first start?..Honey Ds is like jumping out of a plane at 30,000 feet with no chute. Of course you should be scared. If you were not I would be worried about you. you will have some fear for the rest of your life. Wonderful, overwhelming, exciting, scary as hell fear.
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| It cleared up a lot for me, thank you!
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