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Punishment can be a part of D/s and M/s relationships, or not. It doesn't "make" the relationship. For some it works, for others it doesn't. If you incorporate punishment, do you use corporal punishment in your relationship? If you do not have corporal punishment, what other forms does it take, and for what sort of infractions is it implemented? As Dom/me/Master/ Mistress, what do you punish for and does it "fit the crime"? As sub/slave, what have you been punished for and did it "fit the crime"? For Dom/mes, how do you deal with your sub/slave if they react badly to being punished, and for subs/slaves, do you react badly to being punished? If so, what triggers the reaction and what have some reactions been?
For sake of this discussion, i am not speaking of "funishment" , when you pretend to punish. i am talking punishment that is not "fun".
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain." - Vivian Greene
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*chuckles at 'funishment'*
for me, punishment and its impact will come down to whether i care if i've done wrong or not.
if i don't care and i don't see what i've done wrong and the Dom's opinion simply doesn't matter...then any punishment, be it lines or corporal, are gonna just be inconveniences at the least or varying levels of discomfort/pain at best.
however, if i feel shame or remorse or disappointment that its got to a point where i need punishing...it takes it to a whole new level. Even the act of writing lines which could be seen as archaic and ineffective creates waves of emotion and regret.
Studies on pain show that pain threshholds change depending on your understanding of why you're in pain and what you feel about it. Somebody distracted from pain is able to endure 45% more pain* than someone focussed on it. It'd imagine that would extend to pain and remorse.
i may be wrong...someone who is instinctively defiant against punishment may say that they feel pain and/or punishment more keenly. my theory is that they're probably able to take more pain than someone who is genuinely sorry and aware of where they went wrong.
some questions that popped into my head:
how effective is punishment if the only reason someone comes to a place of remorse is because they've been broken physically? are they sorry they're in pain or because of what they did/didn't do....?
will someone cease to display the behaviour that's been corrected because they're afraid or because they understand what was wrong with it?
is a physical punishment enough or is it essential that it comes with clear explanations, expectations and verbal corrections also? is that element expected as part of the punishment process within a model D/s relationship?
*James D Hardy and Harold G. Wolff and Helen Goodell, Pain Sensations and Reactions
Authority exercised with humility, and obedience accepted with delight, are the very lines along which our spirits live. - C.S. Lewis
Sancte et Sapienter
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For me, when CJ punishes me... it's usually in the form
of five words: "I am disappointed in you." Those five words
hurt more than anything else She could do or say to me.
It takes a lot for Her to punish me, seeing as I try to make
sure that my words and actions reflect positively on Her
and the Dominant Friends in Oour lives, but when those
five words come out of Her mouth... I will sit and think on
what I've done to deserve the punishment. Sometimes I
let my temper flare, and that doesn't always reflect in a
positive manner. Usually with the words comes a withdrawal
of things that I enjoy... usually things that inflict the
pain that I love. Punishment isn't a make or break deal
for me, but I think that it's an important part of balancing
the roles of Dominant and submissive, and making sure
the submissive knows Who is in charge.
http://creativeaddictions.wordpress.com/
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Punishment can be a part of D/s and M/s relationships, or not. It doesn't "make" the relationship. For some it works, for others it doesn't. If you incorporate punishment, do you use corporal punishment in your relationship? If you do not have corporal punishment, what other forms does it take, and for what sort of infractions is it implemented? As Dom/me/Master/ Mistress, what do you punish for and does it "fit the crime"? As sub/slave, what have you been punished for and did it "fit the crime"? For Dom/mes, how do you deal with your sub/slave if they react badly to being punished, and for subs/slaves, do you react badly to being punished? If so, what triggers the reaction and what have some reactions been?
For sake of this discussion, i am not speaking of "funishment" , when you pretend to punish. i am talking punishment that is not "fun".
For me personally, there are many forms of punishment. i've had to write lines, been beaten by the cane which i hate, had my membership taken from me, along with telling the entire pork what i did wrong on the boards....... those are just a few off the top of my head...not that there's an over abundance of them either...
Depending on my infraction, will depend on the punishment. Mostly, if i am being too mouthy and out of control, that is what i get punished for...
regardless of the infraction....it ALWAYS fits the crime....
but i am never punished when She's mad at me....EVER.
Have i ever reacted badly to a punishment? Only when i thought the punishment wasn't enough...and i went into 'self punishment' mode.... until i was yanked back out of it because that's not my decision to made on if the punishment is enough..
great questions, elusive.
"It's impossible." said pride.
"It's risky." said experience.
"It's pointless." said reason.
"Give it a try." whispered the heart.
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self punishment mode
silence
None
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great question elusive....-smiles-
well as Mine said.....I am very much one of Those that believes the punishment should always fit the crime....always...whether it be physical or emotional or mental.
I have used a look, words as punk said, lines as Mine said...and also another knows of the lines as well, the cane, the corner,
silence, a lecture.....and a few more very serious ones as well.....
I never punish when I am angry...ever.....and sometimes....instead of punishment...I sit and talk with her...because sometimes.....she is acting out for need of sumthing.......and sometimes...she is baiting Me....
punishment.....can or cannot be a part of anything Wwe do....I have punished Mine...and I have punished a few others.....
but I also reward.....with praise...priviledges...chocolate for the the chocolate lovers...ect.....because I believe that is just as if not more important then the punishment...
-nods-
My two cents
-leaves love for elusive-
SW{bron}
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~pouts at the thought of the lines~
You forgot MAC as rewards,SW ~grins~
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Uncage me, i'm ready to fly.
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| Since we just start my Dom and I. She has had me squat in the corner naked for not asking permission to use the restroom: that doesn't mean going to the bathroom in the corner: She has spanked me for not asking for the cookie first that i was eating. i am still allowed to sleep in her bed, only to create a warm spot for Her sleep in when she comes to bed which is when i leave for work. i am to sleep on one side of the bed with only one pillow. Well She saw i had two pillows one morning and that night i was only allowed one blanket to sleep with. Small note the house is kept at 65 degrees.
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| To Me, there is a huge difference in needing to subdue and needing to punish. If My submissive gets mouthy or pushy, I see that as a cry to be subdued, and I will push back and bring her under control very quickly. But to punish, it has to be something that is very disrespectful or rips at the heart of Oour relationship as a Dominant and submissive. Normally, if I simply tell her that she has disappointed Me or hurt Me with her actions or words, then that is usually enough. If it is something so severe I feel it warrants more, I might use deprivation and temporarily take away something she wants or enjoys. If it is something horribly agregious and the other methods don't seem adequte, then as miranda says...silence. I think silence is the most powerful form of punishment in any relationship, so it has to be done carefully, it speaks louder than any words or actions ever could...
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| i have looked around the house and have found a couple items that could be used for punishment and i have even pointed one item out to my Dom, it is a square piece of hard plastic with plastic tips or small spikes it is actually used to keep pets off of furniture. She has not used it yet. Then i decided to see what clothes pins on my nipples felt like and i think that would be an ultimate punishment i now know what a stud being changed to a gelding must feel like i didn't keep it on but for a second and hope She never uses them.
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