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| | | | I'm finding myself consumed with anger,
Hating the situation that is supposed to solve all problems.
Reasoning out the why's,
Accepting of the sacrifices.
I know this is for the best,
Yet I can't help but wonder if the sacrifice isn't more then what I bargained for.
I appreciate the help,
But I grow more resentful,
After times when I desperately needed help and was turned away,
Only to get help when I didn't need it,
Only to increase my debt to you.
It was never help,
It was always just leverage.
I ran away,
Trying to find the person you smothered,
And as I swallow my pride and do as you ask,
I find you're doing it again.
Never apologizing for the pain you've caused,
Never showing remorse for the repercussions.
I'm not who you wanted me to be,
Why can't you accept that?
So I do as you ask,
Giving more leverage,
Feeling smothered by the force of your attempts to change me.
And it's not a means to an end,
It's simply a more personal hell until this is done.
I will not be your puppet,
I will not fit into the mold you keep trying to force me into,
I am my own person,
I have my own path,
Yes I may be your daughter,
But that doesn't mean I have to be everything else you want me to be.
Why can't you just accept and love me as I am?
You pick apart my faults and yet you MADE me into that..
You taught me to be strong and independant,
But it's not enough, not when it takes away your leverage.
I appreciate the help,
All debts will be paid,
But when I leave again,
Next time.. I won't come back.
With each passing day, I didn't lose hope. I fought to have more.
---Amy Tan, One Hundred Secret Senses |
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