Welcome Guest! ( Login | Register )
punishment vs funishment
MsJen
4/1/2018   
 
Member
Hi Eeverybody,
there's something on My mind about which I'd like to hear Yyour opinion...

As a lifestyle Domme, I've been in a 24/7 relationship with My slave for several years. Over this time, I've trained him to be really excellent in his position (hope that doesn't sound arrogant Smile ).
His training is based on three major columns:
1.) Punishment: Although of course, he does get rewards for good behaviour, I am also a firm believer in punishment - especially corporal punishment - for misbehaviour. I stick to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.
2.) The "ask 110% to get 90%" idea
3.) Keeping him on a real tight leash, so to speak. Meaning his training is an ongoing process that forces him to get better and better. In fact, when I look back to the beginning of Oour relationship now, sometimes it's hard to believe that he was such a spoilt brat back then. Smile

Needless to say, both of Uus are into bdsm, and since I'm a proud owner of My own dungeon, Wwe spend a lot of fun time there.
However, due to point 1 mentioned above, there are also times when I have to "really" punish him. When this happens, it is of course in no way meant to be pleasurable for him (if it was, it wouldn't serve its cause).
It has taken Me a while to figure out how to best achieve this because he's quite sneaky and I know that he tries to compensate the negative aspects of a corporal punishment with his masochistic attitudes.
Let Me give you an example:
I find one of the most effective punishment methods is caning him. When I do this, I have to restrain him for his own safety (so he can't wiggle too much and accidentally make Me hit him at a wrong spot).
Knowing how much he loves bondage, i use "uncomfortable" restraints for this (like handcuffs or cable binders rather than leather restraints). And of course, I don't do it in the dungeon but usually in a non-bdsm surrounding like the living room, wearing normal street clothing rather than anything too "Dominant". So basically I minimize his chances of finding anything pleasurable to cling to during the process.

Knowing from many chats with befriended Dom/mes and subs, I know the punishment-vs-funishment-thing seems to be a rather well-known and well-discussed area, so I was wondering if any of Yyou have experience on this area or/and are willing to share some thoughts?
Post #1045648 Back to top ▲
4/1/2018
 
MsJen
Member
Hi Eeverybody,
there's something on My mind about which I'd like to hear Yyour opinion...

As a lifestyle Domme, I've been in a 24/7 relationship with My slave for several years. Over this time, I've trained him to be really excellent in his position (hope that doesn't sound arrogant Smile ).
His training is based on three major columns:
1.) Punishment: Although of course, he does get rewards for good behaviour, I am also a firm believer in punishment - especially corporal punishment - for misbehaviour. I stick to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy.
2.) The "ask 110% to get 90%" idea
3.) Keeping him on a real tight leash, so to speak. Meaning his training is an ongoing process that forces him to get better and better. In fact, when I look back to the beginning of Oour relationship now, sometimes it's hard to believe that he was such a spoilt brat back then. Smile

Needless to say, both of Uus are into bdsm, and since I'm a proud owner of My own dungeon, Wwe spend a lot of fun time there.
However, due to point 1 mentioned above, there are also times when I have to "really" punish him. When this happens, it is of course in no way meant to be pleasurable for him (if it was, it wouldn't serve its cause).
It has taken Me a while to figure out how to best achieve this because he's quite sneaky and I know that he tries to compensate the negative aspects of a corporal punishment with his masochistic attitudes.
Let Me give you an example:
I find one of the most effective punishment methods is caning him. When I do this, I have to restrain him for his own safety (so he can't wiggle too much and accidentally make Me hit him at a wrong spot).
Knowing how much he loves bondage, i use "uncomfortable" restraints for this (like handcuffs or cable binders rather than leather restraints). And of course, I don't do it in the dungeon but usually in a non-bdsm surrounding like the living room, wearing normal street clothing rather than anything too "Dominant". So basically I minimize his chances of finding anything pleasurable to cling to during the process.

Knowing from many chats with befriended Dom/mes and subs, I know the punishment-vs-funishment-thing seems to be a rather well-known and well-discussed area, so I was wondering if any of Yyou have experience on this area or/and are willing to share some thoughts?
Post #1045648
LovelyLily
4/8/2018   
 
Member
As a masochist myself, I've often taken great pleasure in what Dom/mes have called punishment.
My current arrangement is a long term one and the D involved has learned that the way to my internal cage is through things like humiliation (making me drink my wine from a dog bowl,etc) and denial. Orgasm deprivation, sometimes for up to a month, usually sets me back on the "right" path.
Post #1045882 Back to top ▲
4/8/2018
 
LovelyLily
Member
As a masochist myself, I've often taken great pleasure in what Dom/mes have called punishment.
My current arrangement is a long term one and the D involved has learned that the way to my internal cage is through things like humiliation (making me drink my wine from a dog bowl,etc) and denial. Orgasm deprivation, sometimes for up to a month, usually sets me back on the "right" path.
Post #1045882
MsJen
4/15/2018   
 
Member
Thank you very much for your answer. I keep My slave locked in a chastity device so he's pretty short on orgasms anyway. *g* Although I have to admit that orgasm denial for a month hardly ever happens...
Post #1046318 Back to top ▲
4/15/2018
 
MsJen
Member
Thank you very much for your answer. I keep My slave locked in a chastity device so he's pretty short on orgasms anyway. *g* Although I have to admit that orgasm denial for a month hardly ever happens...
Post #1046318
*chai*
4/24/2018   
 
Graphics
Graphics
my Lovely Friend,
i have read this thread a few times and thought about it for a few weeks now. A discussion with someone triggered thoughts about this topic, so here goes. You have known me for a long time, so You know where i began (emotionally, spiritually, etc) as a submissive and who i have grown to be over the years.

It took one incident of punishment for me to not repeat the need to be punished again.

I had questioned my Dominant i was with at an inappropriate time after receiving instructions about a scene.The request He asked wasn't that hard, just wait until the scene was finished for any questions, such as why, etc. i had been given all intimate details of what was to happen, however, i wanted to know the why. In hindsight, His request made perfect sense because when the scene was done, i had my answer. However, because i kept asking questions, i was given the silent treatment for 72 hours. He sent an email, before the punishment commenced, however, i could not open it until after, i had completed the 72 hours. i was fairly sure, it was my walking papers.

There were two rules to the punishment. 1.) If i was in a chat area and he entered, i had to excuse myself. If He was in a chat area, i could not enter. If i didn't follow those two simple rules, another day was added the punishment. That punishment was like the most horrible thing i had ever experienced. I felt, unwanted, hurt, lost, etc, every negative feeling possible. i made the 72 hours alive and still sane. *laughs* He came to me and asked that i read the email at that time. It simply said, "It hurt Me more to punish you and not speak to you, than you could ever know.".

From that point on, i didn't do anything to get punished..still don't. Do i ride that thin line? Certainly, it is in my nature to challenge a Dominant, however, i will never be disrespectful. It is very unbecoming of a submissive, no matter if it is a Dominant or someone not in the lifestyle.

*hugs*
Love Ya Lady
Post #1047145 Back to top ▲
4/24/2018
 
*chai*
Graphics
Graphics
my Lovely Friend,
i have read this thread a few times and thought about it for a few weeks now. A discussion with someone triggered thoughts about this topic, so here goes. You have known me for a long time, so You know where i began (emotionally, spiritually, etc) as a submissive and who i have grown to be over the years.

It took one incident of punishment for me to not repeat the need to be punished again.

I had questioned my Dominant i was with at an inappropriate time after receiving instructions about a scene.The request He asked wasn't that hard, just wait until the scene was finished for any questions, such as why, etc. i had been given all intimate details of what was to happen, however, i wanted to know the why. In hindsight, His request made perfect sense because when the scene was done, i had my answer. However, because i kept asking questions, i was given the silent treatment for 72 hours. He sent an email, before the punishment commenced, however, i could not open it until after, i had completed the 72 hours. i was fairly sure, it was my walking papers.

There were two rules to the punishment. 1.) If i was in a chat area and he entered, i had to excuse myself. If He was in a chat area, i could not enter. If i didn't follow those two simple rules, another day was added the punishment. That punishment was like the most horrible thing i had ever experienced. I felt, unwanted, hurt, lost, etc, every negative feeling possible. i made the 72 hours alive and still sane. *laughs* He came to me and asked that i read the email at that time. It simply said, "It hurt Me more to punish you and not speak to you, than you could ever know.".

From that point on, i didn't do anything to get punished..still don't. Do i ride that thin line? Certainly, it is in my nature to challenge a Dominant, however, i will never be disrespectful. It is very unbecoming of a submissive, no matter if it is a Dominant or someone not in the lifestyle.

*hugs*
Love Ya Lady
Post #1047145
mi~vida~loca
5/17/2018   
 
Member
Hello Lovely Ms. Jen,

I don't travel these halls often these days but I came by to add my two cents to the pot. (For it is all that I have.) Smile

I have been through so many phases of my BDSM journey over the last while that I decided to reflect back on a past experience.

I think Transparency is a key concept on this topic given it is so easy to confuse punishment and funishment. I recall one particular Dominant who told me I was about to be punished.

At first I had no idea why I was to be punished (I believe it wound up to be for a spelling error that he found particularly irksome). When my infraction was finally explained to me I had no previous knowledge that it was a punishable offence. None the less, up to this point and the ensuing punishment (a caning) I was under the full understanding that I was being PUNISHED.

This not seeming the appropriate time to question my Dominant (i.e. perhaps I forgot a rule?????) I accepted my punishment and set it in the back of my mind to discuss another time.

However, after/during the delivery of my"punishment" my Dominant became aroused and it became a sex play session.

Ultimately I walked away from that session very confused.

To this day I do not know if I was truly being punished or if it was just a catalyst to a play session because my spelling was never mentioned again.

Had I been given clearer expectations, or
Had the boundaries of punishment been clearer that interchange could have had significantly different results.

Sadly the one that resonated with me was less respect for the man I called Sir.

Ms Jen, from my conversation with j I know it is very clear in his mind what is and is not punishment and that he respects that in every way. He respects that it is your right, he respects it is his responsibility to accept such punishments (even though he doesn't like it) and i also know (and I have the utmost respect for him on this last point) he keenly knows those punishments have made him a better person and will continue to do so.

Ultimately, it is my humble opinion that, if One is to use punishment in the more formal sense of the word then it is imperative to be transparent and make the effort to define clear and concise expectations, set boundaries and keep measurable dividing lines between punishment and funishment otherwise punishment is a wasted effort and a meaningless word.

Smile

*clumsily bows and backs out of the room, tripping over the first step. ~where the $%$^ did that come from?~*

p.s. I take no responsibility for typos. I blame my monkey scribe.
Post #1048978 Back to top ▲
5/17/2018
 
mi~vida~loca
Member
Hello Lovely Ms. Jen,

I don't travel these halls often these days but I came by to add my two cents to the pot. (For it is all that I have.) Smile

I have been through so many phases of my BDSM journey over the last while that I decided to reflect back on a past experience.

I think Transparency is a key concept on this topic given it is so easy to confuse punishment and funishment. I recall one particular Dominant who told me I was about to be punished.

At first I had no idea why I was to be punished (I believe it wound up to be for a spelling error that he found particularly irksome). When my infraction was finally explained to me I had no previous knowledge that it was a punishable offence. None the less, up to this point and the ensuing punishment (a caning) I was under the full understanding that I was being PUNISHED.

This not seeming the appropriate time to question my Dominant (i.e. perhaps I forgot a rule?????) I accepted my punishment and set it in the back of my mind to discuss another time.

However, after/during the delivery of my"punishment" my Dominant became aroused and it became a sex play session.

Ultimately I walked away from that session very confused.

To this day I do not know if I was truly being punished or if it was just a catalyst to a play session because my spelling was never mentioned again.

Had I been given clearer expectations, or
Had the boundaries of punishment been clearer that interchange could have had significantly different results.

Sadly the one that resonated with me was less respect for the man I called Sir.

Ms Jen, from my conversation with j I know it is very clear in his mind what is and is not punishment and that he respects that in every way. He respects that it is your right, he respects it is his responsibility to accept such punishments (even though he doesn't like it) and i also know (and I have the utmost respect for him on this last point) he keenly knows those punishments have made him a better person and will continue to do so.

Ultimately, it is my humble opinion that, if One is to use punishment in the more formal sense of the word then it is imperative to be transparent and make the effort to define clear and concise expectations, set boundaries and keep measurable dividing lines between punishment and funishment otherwise punishment is a wasted effort and a meaningless word.

Smile

*clumsily bows and backs out of the room, tripping over the first step. ~where the $%$^ did that come from?~*

p.s. I take no responsibility for typos. I blame my monkey scribe.
Post #1048978
Topic Info
Forum Moderators: Cradz, MistressTrinna