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Dom/Sub advice??
Lottielew90
10/17/2017   
 
Member Hi there everyone,

This is a complex one so I'll try to keep simple;
I'm a married woman, happily married (only for a short time), I've been a submissive since I can remember and thrived on Dom/Sub relationships until I met my now husband. My husband is Vanilla.

We have a fulfilling sex life because I love him very much Smile

However, there is someone at work who I've gotten to become friends with, I'll admit there is an attraction there but I do not want to have sex with him, and he won't unless I of course give my permission (we haven't kissed just talked about mutual attraction)

We've discovered our love of Dom/sub relationships and although sexually gratifying doesn't involve any sex or BDSM.

He controls me at work, without being my boss. It's an incredible turn on.
He tells me what to wear, how to have my hair, what to eat, when to work out he trains me to weight lift. When we go out with work colleagues he plans my outfit in every detail. I do not send him photographs (none explicit) and he knows if I'm not playing ball.
If I do wrong his punishments are to ignore me, then at any opportunity he gets he'll tell me if I've been good or bad, just by the way he looks at me I know. Punishments are only physical when we're out for drinks, where he'll slap my leg (that is as physical as it gets)
One evening out he ordered me to take off my underwear and put them in his pocket, I obliged but felt guilty.

I feel extremely satisfied by my budding d/s relationship, although I can't help but feel that, even though there is no explicit interaction, I may be doing wrong by my husband. I've asked my husband before to dominate but he's just not the right person for it.

I try keep the lives seperate, I am thrilled to be controlled in work in such a way (I'm a Personal assistant so have a level of control to high powered bosses and seek relief from this) knowing someone at work is looking at me, watching me and making decisions for me is utterly amazing.

Anyway, my questions are if anyone has been in a similar (sexual or non sexual) d/s relationship before how they made it work? WILL This situation work or should I fear the tension could get too much and turn into a sexual d/s relationship? Do you have any advise for me on how to please my master in a non sexual way? (Could I do something for him maybe?)

Thanks, Lottielew x
Post #1040218 Back to top ▲
10/17/2017
 
Lottielew90
Member
Hi there everyone,

This is a complex one so I'll try to keep simple;
I'm a married woman, happily married (only for a short time), I've been a submissive since I can remember and thrived on Dom/Sub relationships until I met my now husband. My husband is Vanilla.

We have a fulfilling sex life because I love him very much Smile

However, there is someone at work who I've gotten to become friends with, I'll admit there is an attraction there but I do not want to have sex with him, and he won't unless I of course give my permission (we haven't kissed just talked about mutual attraction)

We've discovered our love of Dom/sub relationships and although sexually gratifying doesn't involve any sex or BDSM.

He controls me at work, without being my boss. It's an incredible turn on.
He tells me what to wear, how to have my hair, what to eat, when to work out he trains me to weight lift. When we go out with work colleagues he plans my outfit in every detail. I do not send him photographs (none explicit) and he knows if I'm not playing ball.
If I do wrong his punishments are to ignore me, then at any opportunity he gets he'll tell me if I've been good or bad, just by the way he looks at me I know. Punishments are only physical when we're out for drinks, where he'll slap my leg (that is as physical as it gets)
One evening out he ordered me to take off my underwear and put them in his pocket, I obliged but felt guilty.

I feel extremely satisfied by my budding d/s relationship, although I can't help but feel that, even though there is no explicit interaction, I may be doing wrong by my husband. I've asked my husband before to dominate but he's just not the right person for it.

I try keep the lives seperate, I am thrilled to be controlled in work in such a way (I'm a Personal assistant so have a level of control to high powered bosses and seek relief from this) knowing someone at work is looking at me, watching me and making decisions for me is utterly amazing.

Anyway, my questions are if anyone has been in a similar (sexual or non sexual) d/s relationship before how they made it work? WILL This situation work or should I fear the tension could get too much and turn into a sexual d/s relationship? Do you have any advise for me on how to please my master in a non sexual way? (Could I do something for him maybe?)

Thanks, Lottielew x
Post #1040218
~pw~
10/18/2017   
 
Member Betrayal of the heart and trust is a huge thing.

D/s is not a justifiable excuse to betray someone.

when the man you say you love so much finds out another man has control how will he feel?
Post #1040241 Back to top ▲
10/18/2017
 
~pw~
Member
Betrayal of the heart and trust is a huge thing.

D/s is not a justifiable excuse to betray someone.

when the man you say you love so much finds out another man has control how will he feel?
Post #1040241
Brightman
10/24/2017   
 
Member pw is right. It sounds like you are using D/s as an excuse to go behind your husbands back.

From everything you have written you haven't said if you have talked to your husband about this arrangement. If you really haven't spoken to your husband about submitting to another person, you are betraying him and cheating on your newly married man.
Post #1040343 Back to top ▲
10/24/2017
 
Brightman
Member
pw is right. It sounds like you are using D/s as an excuse to go behind your husbands back.

From everything you have written you haven't said if you have talked to your husband about this arrangement. If you really haven't spoken to your husband about submitting to another person, you are betraying him and cheating on your newly married man.
Post #1040343
SolitaryMan
10/24/2017   
 
Member
I could not agree more with the first two
Replies. Reverse the rolls... how would you
Feel if told you this.
Post #1040346 Back to top ▲
10/24/2017
 
SolitaryMan
Member
I could not agree more with the first two
Replies. Reverse the rolls... how would you
Feel if told you this.
Post #1040346
Harsh_and__Gentle
10/25/2017   
 
Member Though I have been around
for a long time
I only seldom read the the Forums
and this must be the first time I post something here

First
Thanks lottielew for being sincere
about the situation
and opening up with your problem

I must admit I find your story
both interesting and erotic
exciting and arousing

you say that
-you have been a submissive since you can remember
and now you are married to a vanilla husband
-you say that there is a mutual attraction
between you and and your co-worker
and that the two of you have talked about it
-you say he controls you at work
and he incredible turns you on
and you are extremely satisfied with the d/s relationship with him
and that you are thrilled
and that you find what he does being utterly amazing

you do not ask what we
the readers
feel about this relationship of yours
but still
the answers you have gotten are all about
you doing the wrong thing
- that you are betraying your husband
- that you are going behind his back
- that you are cheating on him

Most of us live in a monogamous marriage societies
but still most of us know that you can love more than one person
and being with only one can be a tricky thing
- This many of us have learnt the hard way
There is an additional problem for Doms and subs
when they fall in love with someone who does not fit into these categories
their needs do not vanish
They are still there needing to be fulfilled
and they leave an empty space

your relationship
with this co-worker
you do know things are escalating
and they will continue to do so
and in the end someone might get hurt
- This is another thing many of us have learnt or are learning
the hard way

But that is not what you are asking about
- you ask if anyone has been in a similar d/s relationship before how they made it work
and My answer is yes
I was in a similar relationship
and it worked very much like an online relationship
where the girl pleases Me
for My pleasure as for her needs

you ask if this situation will work or if you should fear the tension could get too much and turn into a sexual d/s relationship
and even though My situation did not turn into having sex
(as the partner did not want it and I did not press the issue)
I suspect though
that in your case
you will feel a need to go further
and give him more
to please him
and to satisfy your growing need

you ask for an advise for how you can please your master in a non sexual way?
(and I must point out that you call him a master
rather than a Guide or a Trainer)
your role as a submissive
is like in most D/s relationships
... to let him have the lead
and you please him
for as much as you trust yourself to do
... for as much as you trust him for you
- Dominants are mostly turned on by seeing a sub obey

Thanks again for an interesting post
Thanks for catching My attention
and remember that this is only My opinion
and others may be doing better
*Smile*
Post #1040356 Back to top ▲
10/25/2017
 
Though I have been around
for a long time
I only seldom read the the Forums
and this must be the first time I post something here

First
Thanks lottielew for being sincere
about the situation
and opening up with your problem

I must admit I find your story
both interesting and erotic
exciting and arousing

you say that
-you have been a submissive since you can remember
and now you are married to a vanilla husband
-you say that there is a mutual attraction
between you and and your co-worker
and that the two of you have talked about it
-you say he controls you at work
and he incredible turns you on
and you are extremely satisfied with the d/s relationship with him
and that you are thrilled
and that you find what he does being utterly amazing

you do not ask what we
the readers
feel about this relationship of yours
but still
the answers you have gotten are all about
you doing the wrong thing
- that you are betraying your husband
- that you are going behind his back
- that you are cheating on him

Most of us live in a monogamous marriage societies
but still most of us know that you can love more than one person
and being with only one can be a tricky thing
- This many of us have learnt the hard way
There is an additional problem for Doms and subs
when they fall in love with someone who does not fit into these categories
their needs do not vanish
They are still there needing to be fulfilled
and they leave an empty space

your relationship
with this co-worker
you do know things are escalating
and they will continue to do so
and in the end someone might get hurt
- This is another thing many of us have learnt or are learning
the hard way

But that is not what you are asking about
- you ask if anyone has been in a similar d/s relationship before how they made it work
and My answer is yes
I was in a similar relationship
and it worked very much like an online relationship
where the girl pleases Me
for My pleasure as for her needs

you ask if this situation will work or if you should fear the tension could get too much and turn into a sexual d/s relationship
and even though My situation did not turn into having sex
(as the partner did not want it and I did not press the issue)
I suspect though
that in your case
you will feel a need to go further
and give him more
to please him
and to satisfy your growing need

you ask for an advise for how you can please your master in a non sexual way?
(and I must point out that you call him a master
rather than a Guide or a Trainer)
your role as a submissive
is like in most D/s relationships
... to let him have the lead
and you please him
for as much as you trust yourself to do
... for as much as you trust him for you
- Dominants are mostly turned on by seeing a sub obey

Thanks again for an interesting post
Thanks for catching My attention
and remember that this is only My opinion
and others may be doing better
*Smile*
Post #1040356
sophie35
11/18/2017   
 
Member Hello
How would you feel if you found out that your husband was in Dom/sub relationship? Would you be happy?would you accept it?
Dom/sub relationship is something unique and strong .
I'd advise you to speak to your husband about your needs as a submissive girl.
Good luck
Post #1040628 Back to top ▲
11/18/2017
 
sophie35
Member
Hello
How would you feel if you found out that your husband was in Dom/sub relationship? Would you be happy?would you accept it?
Dom/sub relationship is something unique and strong .
I'd advise you to speak to your husband about your needs as a submissive girl.
Good luck
Post #1040628
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