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My Dom is not authorative enough
Yessir0sub
4/12/2017   
 
Member Hi there,
I am currently in a D/s sexual relationship with my boyfriend of two years. I am not his submissive 24/7, only in the bedroom. We had vanilla sex for the majority of our relationship with the exception of occasional choking, spanking or beginner bondage play. About a year into dating I felt comfortable enough to express to him my darkest fantasies of various "taboo" BDSM scenes. I told him I wanted to be tied and suspended, treated like his whore and be degraded and humiliated. I even showed him porn videos for examples of what really turns me on.. He is dominant in nature therefore had no problem catering to my requests. Our sessions became more and more intense as we discovered depths about each other that neither of us knew existed. Ever since we have advanced our sex life to this point, my love and lust for him has become more intense than I can even handle!

Here is where my problem lies...
He doesn't take the time to learn to become a TRUE Dom. He takes what he wants when he wants, which is sexy, but he goes about it all in the wrong way. He regularly abuses me during sex; slaps my face, spits in my mouth, clamps my nipples, uses degrading terms, chokes me until I am on the brink of passing out and other various physical things. Basically just very rough sex. But he is lacking in the psychological area. I fantasize about taking orders from him because being obedient is such a turn on for me. I want him to order me to be naked and kneeling while I wait for him to come home from work, I want him to tie me and leave me alone and blindfolded waiting to be used whenever he pleases. All I can think about is pleasing him. I love to kneel before my Master, but he seldom lets that happen because lately its straight to the usual rough sex without much foreplay or suspense. He is so physically rough that he does not give me enough opportunity to show my submission. If he were to just ask(or demand) I would do anything for him without him having to be forceful. I am willing to accept any punishment I deserve, whether it be flogging, orgasm denial, forced anal or anything else my Master sees fit. But he "punishes" me often for no reason which confuses me as his sub. I am trying to give him my gift of submission but he is not making it easy! I guess my point is that I put so much energy and attention to getting good at what turns him on and the effort is not being reciprocated on his part. Don't get me wrong, we have had some great sessions which fulfilled most of my fantasies, but they are few and far between. How do I "train" my Dom?! Help!
Post #1037490 Back to top ▲
4/12/2017
 
Yessir0sub
Member
Hi there,
I am currently in a D/s sexual relationship with my boyfriend of two years. I am not his submissive 24/7, only in the bedroom. We had vanilla sex for the majority of our relationship with the exception of occasional choking, spanking or beginner bondage play. About a year into dating I felt comfortable enough to express to him my darkest fantasies of various "taboo" BDSM scenes. I told him I wanted to be tied and suspended, treated like his whore and be degraded and humiliated. I even showed him porn videos for examples of what really turns me on.. He is dominant in nature therefore had no problem catering to my requests. Our sessions became more and more intense as we discovered depths about each other that neither of us knew existed. Ever since we have advanced our sex life to this point, my love and lust for him has become more intense than I can even handle!

Here is where my problem lies...
He doesn't take the time to learn to become a TRUE Dom. He takes what he wants when he wants, which is sexy, but he goes about it all in the wrong way. He regularly abuses me during sex; slaps my face, spits in my mouth, clamps my nipples, uses degrading terms, chokes me until I am on the brink of passing out and other various physical things. Basically just very rough sex. But he is lacking in the psychological area. I fantasize about taking orders from him because being obedient is such a turn on for me. I want him to order me to be naked and kneeling while I wait for him to come home from work, I want him to tie me and leave me alone and blindfolded waiting to be used whenever he pleases. All I can think about is pleasing him. I love to kneel before my Master, but he seldom lets that happen because lately its straight to the usual rough sex without much foreplay or suspense. He is so physically rough that he does not give me enough opportunity to show my submission. If he were to just ask(or demand) I would do anything for him without him having to be forceful. I am willing to accept any punishment I deserve, whether it be flogging, orgasm denial, forced anal or anything else my Master sees fit. But he "punishes" me often for no reason which confuses me as his sub. I am trying to give him my gift of submission but he is not making it easy! I guess my point is that I put so much energy and attention to getting good at what turns him on and the effort is not being reciprocated on his part. Don't get me wrong, we have had some great sessions which fulfilled most of my fantasies, but they are few and far between. How do I "train" my Dom?! Help!
Post #1037490
~Knighthawk
6/25/2017   
 
Member I think you have run into something that faces a lot of couples, you start out with rough sex in the bedroom, that peeks your interest or possibly lights a fire under you, that progresses to D/s in the bedroom, but then you aren't quite sure how to carry that dynamic outside of the bedroom. The first thing you need to do is sit down with him and have a very open and honest discussion with him about what you want out of your relationship. He may be open to the idea of Dominating you outside of the bedroom, but simply doesn't know how to proceed or maybe he simply isn't interested in that. If he is interested, it would be good for him to get some mentoring in this lifestyle. But, there are some things you can do to perhaps peek his interest further or guide him to some degree. Even if he hasn't started Dominating you, you can still be submissive to him. You can start with small displays of submission, perhaps while he is watching TV, bring him a snack and then simply kneel beside him as he watches TV. Perhaps after dinner is on the table, sit silently with your head down, when he asks what you are doing, tell him that you are waiting for him to give you permission to eat or waiting for permission to even speak to him. Or you could kneel by him when he sits at the table and wait silently and when he asks what you are doing, tell him you want him to feed you from his hand. (that is actually very erotic, he might find he enjoys that.) You could do as you suggested in your post to be naked and kneeling by the door when he comes home. In the mornings you could ask him if he would mind picking out your outfit or ask him to tell you what chores he wants done that day. There are a lot of little displays of submission you could put an effort into and it might help build some inroads into him being more Dominant outside of the bedroom and would also carry over into being more Dominant in the bedroom. Anyway, just some suggestions. Good luck!
Post #1038481 Back to top ▲
6/25/2017
 
~Knighthawk
Member
I think you have run into something that faces a lot of couples, you start out with rough sex in the bedroom, that peeks your interest or possibly lights a fire under you, that progresses to D/s in the bedroom, but then you aren't quite sure how to carry that dynamic outside of the bedroom. The first thing you need to do is sit down with him and have a very open and honest discussion with him about what you want out of your relationship. He may be open to the idea of Dominating you outside of the bedroom, but simply doesn't know how to proceed or maybe he simply isn't interested in that. If he is interested, it would be good for him to get some mentoring in this lifestyle. But, there are some things you can do to perhaps peek his interest further or guide him to some degree. Even if he hasn't started Dominating you, you can still be submissive to him. You can start with small displays of submission, perhaps while he is watching TV, bring him a snack and then simply kneel beside him as he watches TV. Perhaps after dinner is on the table, sit silently with your head down, when he asks what you are doing, tell him that you are waiting for him to give you permission to eat or waiting for permission to even speak to him. Or you could kneel by him when he sits at the table and wait silently and when he asks what you are doing, tell him you want him to feed you from his hand. (that is actually very erotic, he might find he enjoys that.) You could do as you suggested in your post to be naked and kneeling by the door when he comes home. In the mornings you could ask him if he would mind picking out your outfit or ask him to tell you what chores he wants done that day. There are a lot of little displays of submission you could put an effort into and it might help build some inroads into him being more Dominant outside of the bedroom and would also carry over into being more Dominant in the bedroom. Anyway, just some suggestions. Good luck!
Post #1038481
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