I'm a sub looking for some clarifications on my feelings. Right now I'm feeling upset with my Dom, who is also my husband of 12 years. We are very new to this lifestyle.
Tonight I wasn't in the mood for sex, I felt resistance. He pushed forward anyway and I complied and I was okay with it and happy to please him. But then he pulls out new toys we've never played with, unsuccessfully used them on me, and then spanked me pretty good. He asked if I wanted to safeword and I said no, because the spanking wasn't safeword worthy (but I was still NOT in the mood for "play") and he continued and I just surrendered even though I was unhappy. So I just got angry and withdrawn. Afterward, he came to me asking how I felt and I couldn't give him an answer. I feel mad. I feel like he was mean and pushy and not in the attractive dominant way, more pushy and rude, at least to me because I wasnt in the mood. Is this my problem? I want to be in a relationship where he can take what he wants sexually but I didn't expect to feel this way. A few days ago I was over the moon to please him and would do anything he asked! Please help! How do I talk to him? What am I doing wrong? Why am I upset? Am I being selfish and need to suck it up when I'm not in the mood?