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Safe words, and too much pleasure
NewlySubbing
7/5/2016   
 
Member Is there any kind of definitive opinion on safe words? I have recently asked my Dom about us using a safe word, as sometimes, for whatever reason, the words "stop" and "no" come out of my mouth without me wanting them to. It's always when I actually do like what is happening, so I don't know what makes me say it.

Anyway, he says that he doesn't like safe words, because he sees them as unsafe. He said that, sometimes, if something is really wrong, then there is a possibility that I may not even be able to remember it when I need it, or, even if I did, I may not be able to get it out.

Obviously, I would never try to force him to do anything, I'm just wondering if this is a common thought.

Also, does anyone else ever say to stop something that they l actually do like? Is the a known cause for this type of thing? The best I can think of, is that maybe my body finds it to be TOO pleasurably intense, but only reacts to how intense it is, and not how it actually feels. Maybe it's because, rather than reacting to the kind of intensity, is only focusing on the fact that it is intense.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.
Post #1032414 Back to top ▲
7/5/2016
 
NewlySubbing
Member
Is there any kind of definitive opinion on safe words? I have recently asked my Dom about us using a safe word, as sometimes, for whatever reason, the words "stop" and "no" come out of my mouth without me wanting them to. It's always when I actually do like what is happening, so I don't know what makes me say it.

Anyway, he says that he doesn't like safe words, because he sees them as unsafe. He said that, sometimes, if something is really wrong, then there is a possibility that I may not even be able to remember it when I need it, or, even if I did, I may not be able to get it out.

Obviously, I would never try to force him to do anything, I'm just wondering if this is a common thought.

Also, does anyone else ever say to stop something that they l actually do like? Is the a known cause for this type of thing? The best I can think of, is that maybe my body finds it to be TOO pleasurably intense, but only reacts to how intense it is, and not how it actually feels. Maybe it's because, rather than reacting to the kind of intensity, is only focusing on the fact that it is intense.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.
Post #1032414
trix
7/6/2016   
 
Member Hi there
first thing first - I don't understand his logic of if something was wrong you wouldn't get it out or remember it - that's his job to check in and make sure you remember it and are able to get it out.
some people do go flying and are unable to safeword, it is up to him to recognize this is happening and bring you down, safely.
Safe words are a gauge used. No and stop can be simple safewords. Universal is mayday. However you are confusing him with the no and stops if you don't really mean it. One day, it could actually mean no and stop and he won't listen.
I'm NOT saying he isn't aware of you or your body I'm just throwing out the worse case here.
so you can be somewhat prepared and have tools in your dynamic to prevent such.

There are people who don't play with safewords. Where there is implied consent. Where they have yt?talked and talked and talked some more and everyone involved knows what boundaries they should not cross. They can tip toe to them, but never cross them

In short, if you want a safeword and he says no then that's an issue. You have to feel safe and he has to ensure that safety. Period.
talk it out.
explain why you want a safeword. How it affects you when you say no and stop and how you don't mean them but one day you might.
does he stop on no and stop? If so, that's good. He should. He needs to check in, make sure you are ok.
if you are unable to respond then he needs to bring you down, find out where you were headspace wise, and what to do and not do next time.

All play comes with risk. We tap into emotions, mentality, and physicality. It has an affect on the brain. However, play can be safe from causing permanent damage only if you know what you are doing. Unless permanent damage is something you seek, then that's you and you do you.
Also, not Making him do what he doesn't want to do? What about you wanting something and he says no. That's a two way street there. Smile
Making sense? Sorry if I rambled.
Post #1032420 Back to top ▲
7/6/2016
 
trix
Member
Hi there
first thing first - I don't understand his logic of if something was wrong you wouldn't get it out or remember it - that's his job to check in and make sure you remember it and are able to get it out.
some people do go flying and are unable to safeword, it is up to him to recognize this is happening and bring you down, safely.
Safe words are a gauge used. No and stop can be simple safewords. Universal is mayday. However you are confusing him with the no and stops if you don't really mean it. One day, it could actually mean no and stop and he won't listen.
I'm NOT saying he isn't aware of you or your body I'm just throwing out the worse case here.
so you can be somewhat prepared and have tools in your dynamic to prevent such.

There are people who don't play with safewords. Where there is implied consent. Where they have yt?talked and talked and talked some more and everyone involved knows what boundaries they should not cross. They can tip toe to them, but never cross them

In short, if you want a safeword and he says no then that's an issue. You have to feel safe and he has to ensure that safety. Period.
talk it out.
explain why you want a safeword. How it affects you when you say no and stop and how you don't mean them but one day you might.
does he stop on no and stop? If so, that's good. He should. He needs to check in, make sure you are ok.
if you are unable to respond then he needs to bring you down, find out where you were headspace wise, and what to do and not do next time.

All play comes with risk. We tap into emotions, mentality, and physicality. It has an affect on the brain. However, play can be safe from causing permanent damage only if you know what you are doing. Unless permanent damage is something you seek, then that's you and you do you.
Also, not Making him do what he doesn't want to do? What about you wanting something and he says no. That's a two way street there. Smile
Making sense? Sorry if I rambled.
Post #1032420
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