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Beginner looking for help
scarfy
1/21/2016   
 
Member Hiya,

I've been in an online relationship with my current dom for about 3 weeks now and am starting to doubt either (or both) of us a bit. Generally we're a good match, and our scenes are always fun and leave both of us satisfied, but it feels a lot like he's just trying to get me to mess up so he can punish me, and while I like humiliation and a bit of pain its a completly different thing to get told to keep going till I pass out or expect another punishment... or to ask me to not use the loo for hours on end to get me to pee myself so he can punish me. I've asked him about it and all I get is that I should trust him, because he's my Dom and if I can't trust him he'll end our relationship... Is this just me seeing red flags or are my feelings justified?
Post #1028702 Back to top ▲
1/21/2016
 
scarfy
Member
Hiya,

I've been in an online relationship with my current dom for about 3 weeks now and am starting to doubt either (or both) of us a bit. Generally we're a good match, and our scenes are always fun and leave both of us satisfied, but it feels a lot like he's just trying to get me to mess up so he can punish me, and while I like humiliation and a bit of pain its a completly different thing to get told to keep going till I pass out or expect another punishment... or to ask me to not use the loo for hours on end to get me to pee myself so he can punish me. I've asked him about it and all I get is that I should trust him, because he's my Dom and if I can't trust him he'll end our relationship... Is this just me seeing red flags or are my feelings justified?
Post #1028702
~darla~
1/22/2016   
 
Member
scarfy (1/21/2016)
Hiya,

I've been in an online relationship with my current dom for about 3 weeks now and am starting to doubt either (or both) of us a bit. Generally we're a good match, and our scenes are always fun and leave both of us satisfied, but it feels a lot like he's just trying to get me to mess up so he can punish me, and while I like humiliation and a bit of pain its a completly different thing to get told to keep going till I pass out or expect another punishment... or to ask me to not use the loo for hours on end to get me to pee myself so he can punish me. I've asked him about it and all I get is that I should trust him, because he's my Dom and if I can't trust him he'll end our relationship... Is this just me seeing red flags or are my feelings justified?


Hi

I was going to say that maybe he is just still learning your limits or even believes that you enjoy the punishments a lot (I know my sub does) but the bit where he says if you don't trust him then he will end it well that's a definite red flag to me. you can't make someone trust you... it has to be earned and threatening to end things is not right. Personally i would take the control back and end it myself and tell him why he's not been a good Dom so maybe his next sub will get a better deal.

if you decide to stay with him then set some hard limits with him and then these things that are happening that you don't like can stop. remember your submission is a precious gift and should only be given to someone who values and deserves it hun

good luck with it all and keep us updated

xxx


~We accept the love we think we deserve~
~What other people say about me is none of my business~
Post #1028707 Back to top ▲
1/22/2016
 
~darla~
Member
scarfy (1/21/2016)
Hiya,

I've been in an online relationship with my current dom for about 3 weeks now and am starting to doubt either (or both) of us a bit. Generally we're a good match, and our scenes are always fun and leave both of us satisfied, but it feels a lot like he's just trying to get me to mess up so he can punish me, and while I like humiliation and a bit of pain its a completly different thing to get told to keep going till I pass out or expect another punishment... or to ask me to not use the loo for hours on end to get me to pee myself so he can punish me. I've asked him about it and all I get is that I should trust him, because he's my Dom and if I can't trust him he'll end our relationship... Is this just me seeing red flags or are my feelings justified?


Hi

I was going to say that maybe he is just still learning your limits or even believes that you enjoy the punishments a lot (I know my sub does) but the bit where he says if you don't trust him then he will end it well that's a definite red flag to me. you can't make someone trust you... it has to be earned and threatening to end things is not right. Personally i would take the control back and end it myself and tell him why he's not been a good Dom so maybe his next sub will get a better deal.

if you decide to stay with him then set some hard limits with him and then these things that are happening that you don't like can stop. remember your submission is a precious gift and should only be given to someone who values and deserves it hun

good luck with it all and keep us updated

xxx


~We accept the love we think we deserve~
~What other people say about me is none of my business~
Post #1028707
scarfy
1/22/2016   
 
Member Thanks for the answer. I gathered my courage and spoke to him, which ended in him screaming at me, telling me I wasn't really a submissive anyways and that he'd rather fuck a goat than have anything to do with a backstabbing (I told him I asked someone else about it) bitch like me. :|


Guess I got my answer from him himself, thanks anyways.
Post #1028715 Back to top ▲
1/22/2016
 
scarfy
Member
Thanks for the answer. I gathered my courage and spoke to him, which ended in him screaming at me, telling me I wasn't really a submissive anyways and that he'd rather fuck a goat than have anything to do with a backstabbing (I told him I asked someone else about it) bitch like me. :|


Guess I got my answer from him himself, thanks anyways.
Post #1028715
~Knighthawk
1/23/2016   
 
Member Reading posts like this makes Me grit My teeth. I completely agree with Sadist, there is a huge difference in being a Dominant and being a domineering asshole. So many Dominants don't seem to have a clue what punishment is even for. It is to correct a behavior or teach a lesson, NOT because someone is being pushed past a limit or endurance. As a submissive you have every right to your limits and safe words, and it is utter BS to be punished if you reach a limit.
Post #1028726 Back to top ▲
1/23/2016
 
~Knighthawk
Member
Reading posts like this makes Me grit My teeth. I completely agree with Sadist, there is a huge difference in being a Dominant and being a domineering asshole. So many Dominants don't seem to have a clue what punishment is even for. It is to correct a behavior or teach a lesson, NOT because someone is being pushed past a limit or endurance. As a submissive you have every right to your limits and safe words, and it is utter BS to be punished if you reach a limit.
Post #1028726
~darla~
1/23/2016   
 
Member
scarfy (1/22/2016)
Thanks for the answer. I gathered my courage and spoke to him, which ended in him screaming at me, telling me I wasn't really a submissive anyways and that he'd rather fuck a goat than have anything to do with a backstabbing (I told him I asked someone else about it) bitch like me. :|


Guess I got my answer from him himself, thanks anyways.


The term 'lucky escape' springs to mind!

You know they aren't all like this and I hope you have more luck with your next Dom. I suggest you take the time to talk a lot with whoever you meet next and see that you are on the same page. Discuss limits, aftercare etc and I'm sure when you do eventually play it will be an enjoyable experience.

Remember your submission is a gift and should only be given to those that deserve it ;-)


~We accept the love we think we deserve~
~What other people say about me is none of my business~
Post #1028736 Back to top ▲
1/23/2016
 
~darla~
Member
scarfy (1/22/2016)
Thanks for the answer. I gathered my courage and spoke to him, which ended in him screaming at me, telling me I wasn't really a submissive anyways and that he'd rather fuck a goat than have anything to do with a backstabbing (I told him I asked someone else about it) bitch like me. :|


Guess I got my answer from him himself, thanks anyways.


The term 'lucky escape' springs to mind!

You know they aren't all like this and I hope you have more luck with your next Dom. I suggest you take the time to talk a lot with whoever you meet next and see that you are on the same page. Discuss limits, aftercare etc and I'm sure when you do eventually play it will be an enjoyable experience.

Remember your submission is a gift and should only be given to those that deserve it ;-)


~We accept the love we think we deserve~
~What other people say about me is none of my business~
Post #1028736
Londonpunt
5/4/2016   
 
Member Hmm, it feels to me like you're balancing a very fine line.

Between dom and asshole it comes pretty close, in fact any dom individual would be considered an asshole to most people, that's how the role works.

If you have a problem with your dom, consider whether they are performing to your expectations. Because to me, it sounds like your dom is doing his job well, despite it not being to your tastes there are countless women who could find that experience appealing. If it's not for you then either speak to him about it or find somebody else?
Post #1030958 Back to top ▲
5/4/2016
 
Londonpunt
Member
Hmm, it feels to me like you're balancing a very fine line.

Between dom and asshole it comes pretty close, in fact any dom individual would be considered an asshole to most people, that's how the role works.

If you have a problem with your dom, consider whether they are performing to your expectations. Because to me, it sounds like your dom is doing his job well, despite it not being to your tastes there are countless women who could find that experience appealing. If it's not for you then either speak to him about it or find somebody else?
Post #1030958
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